A Note for Josh at the birth of Grace
I have quite a few friends and family who have had or about to have
children. This past week, my friend Josh Etter and his wife Kate just
had a little girl. I thought that I would send write a few thoughts to Josh
just to encourage him in this often daunting task of being a dad raising a
daughter. I hope it is encouraging. It is pretty simple but here are a few
pieces of advice from a guy whose girls are now grown up.
1. Get ready to be blessed. You will be more blessed,
helped, and humbled by raising your child than you can imagine. The miracle of
birth and watching your wife deliver your first child will certainly do all
those things for you. No doubt, you feel blessed and encouraged by the grace of
God right now as you hold this new life. Certainly, you are humbled by the
enormous privilege and responsibility to care for this little soul and by the
sacrifice your wife has already just made. Get ready. This is just the
beginning. When the psalmist writes "Behold, children are a heritage from
the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is a reward," that sounds vague until
you walk through the adventure of life. There will be a time when you will look
back and realize that this little child was appointed by God to do you immense
good. Your dependence on God, your delight in His goodness, your gratitude for
the cross and God's fatherly forgiveness, your attentiveness to the Word and
the Spirit of God, your consistency in prayer, your dying to self, your love
for the sovereignty of God and the reign of the Saviour, (need I go on) will
all have been fuelled by your love for your child and your honest ambition to
be the husband and father, God has called you to be. Fathers have a crucial
role to play in the lives of their children but it won't be long before your
realize that by God's grace, they will do you more eternal good than you ever
anticipated.
2. Don't take yourself so seriously. That may sound like a
strange thing to say, especially at a time in our culture when there is a great
need for serious parenting, and in
particular, diligent and faithful fathering. I am not saying that as a Dad you
don't need to give yourself fully to your calling to love and to lead. What I
do mean is that you need to recognize that God is big enough for the road
ahead. When Moses was in the midst of his journey leading the nation of Israel, he
became overwhelmed by the task. Israel
was a tough nation. Moses' fear, however, was not the dread of seeing how
messed up Israel
was. He was afraid of seeing his own inadequacies and failures. In fact, at one
point, he pleads with the Lord that if the Lord has favour upon him, that He
should kill Moses, so that Moses wouldn't have to look at his own
"wretchedness" (Numbers 11:15). You are about to get a life long tour
of your own inadequacies. Remember then that God did not put this child in your
hands because He wanted you to show how competent you are. He put this child in
your hands to show you how great His love and goodness are. Your goal is to
point your child to Jesus. You don't have to be the hero of your child's story.
One day, she may bring some handsome prince home and be all googly-eyed over a
guy who has barely begun to learn the meaning of sacrifice. She will sing his praises
and you will realize "He must increase and I must decrease." You will
walk her down the aisle blubbering like a baby. I guarantee you will be praying
one prayer loud and clear: "Father, help this young man marrying my little
girl to do what he is not equipped to do - to love her with all the love of
Jesus." Well, that is where you are right now: ill-equipped to do what you
are called to do. If you as an earthly Father want good gifts for your
children, how much more does your Father in heaven know how to give good gifts
to His children? God has got this. God is more than sufficient. Show your child
by your laughter, your smiles, your ability to get down on the ground and get
silly with her, that your faith in God is bigger than your fear of self. The
name of the Lord is a strong tower.
3. Don't underestimate the importance of singing. That
little child that just entered into this realm is designed for many things but
most of all - to worship. Her eyes are about to take in a great big world of
wonders. Yes, she will see some hard and painful things. Yet, the overriding
inclination of her soul will be to throw her hope upon something and to express
her joys to the entire world. Enjoy pointing out to her the unending marvels of
God's creation, of human ingenuity and creativity. Get your camera out and
record the joy that fills her eyes when she learns to walk and she sinks her
first three-pointer. Sit with her when in tears she describes the
disappointment of love gone wrong and you can feel the thunderous echo of her
ache in your own heart. And sing. Sing happily of the goodness of God whose
love endures forever. Sing silly songs that you make up in the car because
there is a peace and joy that flows from the firm undergirding of the certainty
of God's sovereignty. Sing the Scriptures. Memorize the Word and sear them on
the playlist of your heart and hers by putting them to song. Sing loud. Sing
badly. Sing well. Sing often. Sing. Then, listen. Listen as she sings herself
to sleep at the age of two. Listen as she sings in the back seat as you head
off to see your folks. Listen as she sings beside you at Sunday worship. One
day, listen as she sings to you of the hope of a Saviour at your hospital bed.
There are lots of people offering songs to her to sing. Give her something of
substance to sing, the only thing that will be enough for the depth of her
heart's longings and for the long dark nights when morning seems so far off.
Teach her "Jesus love me, this I know."
4. Walk slowly. You have got long legs. She doesn't. You
have a busy schedule. There is a world that is demanding your attention from
dawn to dusk. There is a culture that has set up markers of success and
achievement. There is a wife, and a little girl who don't care what the world
thinks. They need a Dad who isn't harried or hurried. If you can't accomplish all
that you need to accomplish and still include your family, the list must
change. Life is a sigh and while you can hardly imagine this baby driving a
car, and heading to college, and moving to Tegucigalpa
or Toronto, it
will happen in a blink of an eye. One day, you will be chatting by Skype and
committing her in prayer to the Lord as she follows His call upon her life. How
do you make the most of the time that you have? Walk slowly. Be still and know
that He is God. Gain the perspective that comes from rising early and waiting
on the Lord. The peace that comes from your friendship with Christ Jesus will
beckon your loved ones near to you. I have many models in my life of men who
have wisely chosen to walk calmly in the spiritual disciplines. This means more
to those that know them than any other thing. If you do this, by God's grace,
you won't have to go looking for your kids. They will come looking for you. For
God's children are drawn towards the green pastures and still waters of the
peace of God. Some people's kids come home because they need money. Some
people's kids come home because they fear responsibility. Some kids come home
because they want to be reminded where the true Center of life is and home is
centered around Jesus. Walk slowly and steadily with Jesus and over a life
time, they will see the profound difference that He alone makes. Josh, you have
the one and only thing that your little girl needs. You have Jesus. Enjoy Him
and help her to do the same.
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